Post by Kyle20 on Apr 17, 2006 14:51:42 GMT -5
Murder by Storm
Do you know why hurricanes have names instead of numbers? To keep the killing personal. No one cares about a bunch of people killed by a number. "200 dead as Number Three Slams Ashore" is not nearly as intersting as "Charlie Kills 200." Death is much satisfying and entertaining if you personalize it. Plus, if your name's Charlie, that month isn't gonna go down too easy.
Nice Weekends
If someone says "Have a nice weekend," I never say, "You too." Because I never know if, perhaps, by the time the weekend rolls by, I will have other plans for that person. Come Friday, I may wish to have them slain.
Mr. Fix it
A man has to make believe he can fix ANYTHING. And if he can't fix it now, he'll fix it later. And if he can't fix it later, he has a friend who can fix it, and if not, it was no good to start with, and it's not worth fixing, and besides, he knows where he can get something better, much cheaper, but they're all outta them right now, and besides, they're closed. It's a male disease.
Long Lines
Store clerks! You should not be on the phone when you're waiting on me! When I, the customer, walk up to the counter, the phone should be down. And if it rings while you're waiting on me, let it ring. After ten rings, pick it up, and, without even saying hello, say, "I'm currently waiting on an actual, paying customer who has money and has the courtesy to come into the store and transact buisness. I will get to you when the store is empty. Stay on the line if you wish, but I may not get to you till sundown." Then smile at me and say "Where were we?" The in-store customer ALWAYS comes first.
Hearty
Food Lingo: Hearty
Folks, next time you see the word hearty, take a good look at the rest of the label. "Hmmm! 600 grams of saturated fat." You know. Hearty. As in Heart Attack.
Yes, please...
As you would probably notice, whenever you're a guest at someone's house, they ask "Would you want some coffee?" I always answer "No thank you. I have coffee at home. Do you have pancake mix?" I try to get the things I need.
Just some random true things. I wanted to share it with you guys.
Do you know why hurricanes have names instead of numbers? To keep the killing personal. No one cares about a bunch of people killed by a number. "200 dead as Number Three Slams Ashore" is not nearly as intersting as "Charlie Kills 200." Death is much satisfying and entertaining if you personalize it. Plus, if your name's Charlie, that month isn't gonna go down too easy.
Nice Weekends
If someone says "Have a nice weekend," I never say, "You too." Because I never know if, perhaps, by the time the weekend rolls by, I will have other plans for that person. Come Friday, I may wish to have them slain.
Mr. Fix it
A man has to make believe he can fix ANYTHING. And if he can't fix it now, he'll fix it later. And if he can't fix it later, he has a friend who can fix it, and if not, it was no good to start with, and it's not worth fixing, and besides, he knows where he can get something better, much cheaper, but they're all outta them right now, and besides, they're closed. It's a male disease.
Long Lines
Store clerks! You should not be on the phone when you're waiting on me! When I, the customer, walk up to the counter, the phone should be down. And if it rings while you're waiting on me, let it ring. After ten rings, pick it up, and, without even saying hello, say, "I'm currently waiting on an actual, paying customer who has money and has the courtesy to come into the store and transact buisness. I will get to you when the store is empty. Stay on the line if you wish, but I may not get to you till sundown." Then smile at me and say "Where were we?" The in-store customer ALWAYS comes first.
Hearty
Food Lingo: Hearty
Folks, next time you see the word hearty, take a good look at the rest of the label. "Hmmm! 600 grams of saturated fat." You know. Hearty. As in Heart Attack.
Yes, please...
As you would probably notice, whenever you're a guest at someone's house, they ask "Would you want some coffee?" I always answer "No thank you. I have coffee at home. Do you have pancake mix?" I try to get the things I need.
Just some random true things. I wanted to share it with you guys.